Yab Yum is a classical Tantric sex position, in which the man/shiva or yang partner sits cross-legged or in the lotus position with the woman/shakti or yin partner sitting in his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. Although Tantric sex is practised in a wealth of positions, the yab yum may well be the most instantly recognisable. In this position, the chakras between partners are aligned and the spine and body energy are vertical, aligned with heaven and earth, with gravitation and levitation. Mouths are together with synchronised breathing as energy is cycled through the lovers’ bodies. Yab yum can be practiced with or without penetrative sex but always with the energy and breathwork. Whichever way a couple chooses to enjoy this well-loved tradition of lovemaking and meditation, it is a deep and meaningful practice that offers profound closeness and intimacy.

Yab yum is a beautifully euphonious term for this sitting position aka ecstatic circle of energy, which is from the Tibetan tradition and literally translated as father-mother because it symbolises the divine union of man and woman – heaven and earth. Neo-tantra or modern tantra brings these practices to everyone, however, so that the position isn’t exclusive to heterosexual couples, but can be enjoyed by all.  Yin and yang are states that are contained in everyone and any person can embody them.  Couples of any sexuality and gender can choose to be yin or yang depending on how they’re feeling in the moment. Yin is associated with the feminine elements of flow, water, valley, moon, darkness, spirit, softness, receptivity, and transformation; yang relates to the masculine associated with form, fire, sun, light, mountain, hardness, activity, and creation. In Taoist Tantra, yin and yang is a central concept for understanding our natures and the nature of the world – to provide harmony by balancing these qualities.

I like to teach this to my couples who are experiencing some intimacy disconnect because it is accessible to all ages and body types as an activating agent and pleasure practice. If couples can’t sit comfortably in this position, due to injuries or age, for example, there are many adjustments that can be made.  One variation is for the man to sit with his legs stretched out forward or dropped over the edge of a bed or sofa. The position can be achieved with great success on a chair and also if one partner is in a wheelchair – although the partner on top must ensure continued circulation in their partner’s legs. Multiple cushions and blocks can be used to find a comfortable way into the practice when bodies struggle with the classical position, but even in the pure pose, most people need a cushion or two to support the tailbone and pelvis. Comfort is essential, for enjoyment and pleasure, and so that the energy can flow freely and, as with all Tantric sex, presence and awareness are more important than technique and position.  

Ultimately, yab yum is a wonderful introduction to Tantra, which allows couples to incorporate some key elements of Tantra into lovemaking, such as breath, energy, movement, and mindfulness. It allows for the development of greater vulnerability, trust and presence between partners and can be a very effective method of sexual healing – to reconnect after disconnect and heal relationship woundings. I teach yab yum collaboratively with John Fraser of the Conscious School of Touch. Please contact me if you’d like to know more about our planned group workshops or are interested in private in-person coaching for you and your partner.

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